Nerd Credentials

I believe that I am a nerd. Some would exclude me from the category simply because of some past titles I have held, for example, cheer captain. Actually that is the only one. Now I don't like to kowtow to the bigots, but to satisfy my narcissism I will exhibit some credentials that clearly define my nerdiness.
Number one is certainly the weakest point but it is that I want nerdiness, and as all nerds know desire is 49% of everything. The other 51% is reality.
When I was 10 years old I started a mimic mag of National Geographic called "Around the Globe" in which I removed magazine pictures from lesser articles and wrote better ones. One article, titled "Doggy-See, Doggy-Do", featured a seeing-eye dog who learned to drive his blind, elderly owners truck. Buddy was the first, and to the best of my knowledge still is, the only dog to be a valid licensed driver. There were two editions of "Around The Globe".
When I was 11 years old the Hughes grocery store near my house was bought out by the larger corporate Ralphs grocer. In my disdain for the switch I took myself and a small camera crew (my nine-year-old best friend Kelly) to the store to do a little live reporting on how the community members felt about it. (Just FYI the community members agreed that the new red sign was 'obtrusive' but felt that if the service remained up to par then they were okay with the switch. How fickle.)
And perhaps the number one qualification I have, and this is a coming out of sorts seeing as I think maybe two people know this about me: I invent superheros. Electro-woman, Firen, Englotech-- these are among the posse of heroes I bring to reality on paper bi-monthly.
So to you doubters, you haters, you dream-deniers: I may not read science fiction, but I do live it.

A bowl full of Jelly.

We all love our fat old Santa Claus with his cherry nose, white beard, and tummy that shakes like a bowl full of jelly, so why are the hippies trying to take him away from us? That's right-- the hippies. I was watching fox news the other day, drop-jawed, as some health freak rambled on about her wish that Santa would shed a few pounds to set a good example for the kiddies. She even suggested that families leave carrots and celery out instead of the usual cookie plate-- carrots and celery! That's reindeer food!Then I was bombarded again with this granola nonsense when on the radio this morning some dope said she was worried about Santa's heart!! He's still giving out millions of free toys annually world-wide- methinks his heart is better off than hers. Santa's old! Should we ditch his white whiskers as well in hopes of preserving his life a little longer? Look- Santa is immortal. Period. End of story. He's been fat an old for a hundred years and he will continue to be fat and old. The only way Santa will die is if the communists strip him of his everloved obesity and senility. Give Santa his cookies, and let him eat them too.-

Enchanted

**** Four bold stars for this fantastical whimsy of a flick. You know how when you're watching an excellent foreign film you soon forget that you are even reading subtitles? Well it's the same for Enchanted. Only not exactly because for Enchanted its that the magic is so excellent that you soon forget you're watching a movie.